The Scariest Ride Ever

My coworker and I were picked up at a cab stand in Houston. Everything was normal until the cabbie started driving erratically (speeding up, slowing down, stopping short, going the wrong way down a one-way street). I sat in the backseat in denial at what the hell was happening until he slowed down in front of our destination, and when we started to get out he gunned it. In 0.2 seconds I matched his crazy with crazier. I started yelling at him. He started yelling at me. I remember thinking if I’m going down you are coming down with me. I pulled myself up using the headrest of the passenger seat and stuck my face in his. In the craziest Pulp Fiction-like voice imaginable, I yelled: “You better put the mother-fucking brakes on right now, mother-fucker.” And he did.

The moral of the story is don’t ride with crazy cabbies. And don’t fuck with Berry girls. We are polite until we aren’t.