Damn You Look Good in that Dress, Girl

During an annual customer event that my team planned and managed, one of my employees approached me in a panic. She explained frantically that the company’s head of sales had taken a picture of my butt and was showing it to all of our coworkers and customers saying how good my ass looked. My entire body went numb when she shared this news, and I felt violated, embarrassed, frustrated, confused and hurt. I had worn a simple Antonio Melani dress that I’d gotten on sale at Dillards. My mind raced, not about what I should do or say to this asshole, but through my closet thinking that I should’ve worn my basic black suit. Inconspicuous. Unflattering. Masculine. As if this incident was my fault and I could’ve staved off the situation if I had chosen a different outfit.

This wasn’t the first time a male coworker had acted inappropriately, and it wouldn’t be the last. Sadly, all of the women on my team experienced at least one act of overt or aggressive harassment. We even hired private security to attend events to protect the professionals in my department from their own coworkers, customers and suppliers. None of us reported our experiences. I didn’t because a) I believed nothing would be done about it, b) I feared being seen as a complainer and c) I wanted to keep my job. Underlining these assumptions was also a sense of powerlessness. Shining light on these incidents would have made me feel like I had been victimized, weak or not a team player.

My hindsight is 20/20 retort can be best summarized in the words of Beyoncé:

Middle fingers up

Put them hands high

Wave it in his face

Tell him, boy, bye

Sorry.

I ain’t sorry.